Saturday, 3 November 2012


The rain didn't help with how I feel..weary, bleak, uncertain, small and dented...

I'm feeling a little depressed these two days. Maybe it's my menses that usually comes uninvited. Maybe it's my hormonal change. Maybe it's me..

I met a couple of old primary schoolmates for dinner on Tuesday night. We went to Margharita's at Dempsey. These are not my usual hang out friends, but they are decent bunch we grew up together and we try to meet up at least once a year to catch up and share gossips and most times problems.

As I'm the only SINGLE woman in the group, the rest are either married with kids or they are divorced with kids, so they tend to talk about their children and their problems raising their children. Life is great and dandy, what a happy family...oh fuck that bullshit!

Okay I get it. I'm a SPINSTER. Whenever you guys look at me with that sneaky grins and evil smirks, it kinda make me feel small and SHITTY. I feel like an entrapped, helpless princess and you are all the evil witches who enjoy seeing me feel miserable and hopeless in love. Because I'm not like you all who have naughty children and have 'doting' husbands.

I'm not the mute kind of friend. I will laugh as loud as I can at anything funny and I'm jovial. But when they realised that I turned mute, they joined forces to bombard me with pricking questions: When will I want to find a steady boyfriend and quickly get married and give birth and have many offprings. One of them even said "WHEN WILL YOU BE LIKE US??".


I hate these questions and remarks. We are world's apart and my taste in men are unlike those fat husband of yours who enjoy simply plonk themselves on the sofa and watch TV while you guys start your nagging marathon. I'd rather remain spinster than living a life filled with worries. Besides, I have my own goals and getting married is NOT in the top 10 of my to-do list.

I don't want to be like them because they have adopted the 'aunty' look. NO WAY.
Grow sideways minimum L size. Losing hair, stretch marks. NO no NOOO!
Rush, rush, mad rush.

AGING gracefully is my top priority!

But these shenanigans didn't stop there.

Go to auntie's house during Chinese New Year, relatives asked when I want to get married.
Go to distant cousin's house during Hari Raya to eat lontong and rendang, they asked when I will get married and must quickly give birth because my age is plumping.
Go to weddings, the same people will look at me with disgust when I brought along different handsome looking white men every time. Like changing clothes...
End of year catch up, people start asking what happened to the last boyfriend I had. Fuck.


It's like playing a broken record. Same old shit, same ding dongs, same tune. Yawns, boring.


Wednesday, 24 October 2012

I heart inter-race-course

I am back!

Hello everybody! I am feeling great from my long vacation in beautiful Santorini and went a little further in Italy shopping to stock up on my make up and handbags. Oh c'mon, girls have to look good don't we?

Anyhow, right after I came back everyone was talking about Amy Cheong who became more famous than Annabel Chong for posting seditious remarks about our Malay mats and minahs. If I have been cornered to choose between the two, I would rather enjoy Annabel's glory. At least I get fucked by many men while Amy is going through drought season.

Like seriously, if there could be anyone that Singapore government would choose as a symbol of multiculturalism, it would definitely be ME. I love Singaporeans but as of the last 10 years, I prefer to fuck ang mohs. It's just a choice. Having said that, it means that I had several sexual encounters with Malay mats. They are nice easy-going, chillax people who enjoy sex, motorbikes, cigarettes, and alcohol when they are young. Once they are married with kids, those who have repented would be ultra pious like Mas Selamat Kastari. Unfortunately, those who are stubborn and still want to remain romeos will end up partying for the rest of their lives like those pakciks who drink Tiger at coffeeshop.

One such fella I met was Saiful, but his friends called him Epul. We met at RumRunners. I was invited to my friend's friend all girls birthday party. It was weird because I was the only non-Malay girl but luckily I blended in because of my beautiful golden tan skin.

Don't talk to me about dancing, because I am the master of grindin' yeah! I can grind a man like how I grind peppercorns. Uh huh..Slick, sexy and groovy.

Little did I know this mat Epul was stripping me with his bionic eyes at the bar counter as I furiously shook my booty and grooved to the song by Khia My Neck My Back (Lick it). He slowly drifted right beside me and started to sway his body, in sync with mine. He came closer to my perky ass and instantaneously we became prata plaster. We dance all night till 3am, then he asked what I wanted to do after clubbing. When I told him I had no plans, and he asked if I wanted to hang out with him after clubbing.

Like any other Malay blokes, Epul was not bad looking. Unlike our local chinkies' faces mostly flat like they have been ironed, our Malays mats, I noticed usually have decent and acceptable look, with a sense of style (skaters, hip hop, grunge or rockers). Not to mention they have acceptable size of cucumbers. Is it because of belachan? Well, I don't know..

So we arrived at his Circuit Road flat, and oh my.. his house got a distinct Malay smell. No one was at home because he said his mom worked night shift at factory and his minah sister worked as KTV hostess. Oh well, another dysfunctional Malay family, but this didn't bother me much as long as he was a good fuck.

I relish circumsized penises because they look pretty cute and something about the ripe dickhead that makes you want to pop it in your mouth. I must say that he has the most number of moles on his shaft and balls! If i remember correctly, I counted there were 19 moles of different sizes: 9 on his shaft, 3 on his left fig and 7 on his right fig. Epul's a spotty one down there and somewhat reminded me of 101 Dalmatians! I find it extremely strange. How the hell anyone can get so many moles on their private parts?!

As we were too tired from the grinding, and I cannot do my favourite reverse cowgirl that night, We decided on missionary and doggy to seal the deal. It was a decent fuck. I woke up in the morning, the Malay house smell lingered. Yucks.

Did I say he complimented how beautiful I looked in the morning? Haha, seriously smooth operators are dangerous creatures and they should be shot to death. Girls, pls don't ever believe when a men say you looked beautiful in the morning especially when you hair looked it got electrocuted. But I appreciated his nice gestures and I chose to believe that I looked great that morning. We met a couple more times and became short term fuck buddies and okay bye bye, he was gone as soon as I got my menses again that month.

So what's the moral of the story? No matter how you think Malay are useless and lazy, or their house got Malay distinct smell from frying fish and keropok everyday, they do make Singapore special. Yeah, they sing well and won many Singapore Idol already, they can play the guitar well, and they can draw very well too, but there are many other good niceties about this race that are worth exploring such as the food and culture. If you really cannot find anything nice, sex will be a good start to get acquainted with the race or in fact any race.

Pls don't judge a book by its cover and if you must judge, please try to sift your words first and not hurl insensitive remarks at people. There is a difference between Fuck and Fuck you. Errr..whatever..

To Amy Cheong, I'm glad you left Singapore if not you bring shame to the SPGs community. I am sure even Babarella Posh Beckham have removed you from the SPGs pack.

Whatever it is, racial bigotry has no place in our tiny island. I wouldn’t want to offend my neighbours and friends who are of different race. I also wouldn’t want to offend my friends who have different sexual orientation. Just be tolerant okay, no more squabbles please?

May I suggest Amy Cheong do the following at down under:

1)   Smoke weed if you haven’t been a smoker. Try e-cigarette if you want an environmentally friendly one.
2)   If you haven’t gotten any sex from your hubby because you guys have been quarreling about the snoring he made, please go and masturbate so that it can make you relax. If you feel disgusted, just play with pit tap and spray at your clit, it also helps to give you some shiok feeling.
3)   Take up yoga...who knows you can do the boomerang style..and wow your hubby ...maybe you marriage will turn out better.
4)   Run to get out of your life. Exercise releases ‘happy hormones’. Just keep running whenever you feel angry... 
5) Invest in a 'rabbit'...heh 

To all my Muslim friends (gays, transvestites, lesbos, heteros) I would like to wish you Selamat Hari Raya Haji and Happy holidays!

Friday, 24 August 2012

Fuck for Benefit

Hello beautiful readers. I'm on off day today. So here I am sipping my coffee and I was inspired to write about a topic that I love most - sex. This was because all my girlfriends and gay friends are talking about the most scandalous topic that hit our country - the NUS Professor Tey Tsun Hang and his little pony Darinne Ko. Then there is another involving the RI teacher and her student. It got me thinking, what the fuck is happening to our good schools in Singapore?

Then again, I have heard so many stories involving students and lecturers usually in polytechnics and universities. I even know a few students who eventually married their lecturers because they found love in each other. Just like Rihanna found love in Chris Brown. Just like Jessica Biel found love in Justin Timberlake. Lecturer and students are ordinary people. Like seriously, teacher/lecturer-student sex is a common thing that happened in tertiary institutions, but after reading the article I recalled a similar event that happened to me many many years ago. 

Sometimes, the sex happens because you really like the other person and consequently both parties reap some benefits from the whole affair. Sometimes, you desperately want something in return so you come up with a brilliant plan to ensure that your journey in school with be a smooth sailing one such as sexual and resource benefits. 

Back when I was in school,  there was this teacher who was popular among the sweet young girls. You know, we girls like someone who is funny, friendly and witty. As I was a pretty girl in school, not surprisingly the teacher paid extra attention to me. He claimed that I was rebellious (yes I was a wild one) and refused to do any of his homework. Slept in his class, doodle penis, boobies and vaginas since they are my favourite images LOL. Just like Darinne, I was lucky that have been blessed with a good quality AAA-cell brain all thanks to my mom's religious routine in shoving gingko biloba nuts and black currants into my mouth everyday. But I must admit Darinne is not clever enough because she went around and tell her backstabber friends about her dirty little secret. For me, I kept my mouth shut. 

Let's just call the teacher WL. 

How it started was simple. WL asked if I got MSN account so we could do group chat with the rest of the classmates. Then we started by chatting in private and shared jokes and silly experiences with our exs. Then it naturally got into the topic of sex and BINGO! Once WL knew I'm open to share my sex positions, the size of my pink nipples and how my extraterrestrial skill in licking men dry, he cleverly dropped hints on sexcapade interest. 

The rest is history, we fuck like normal people fuck. We sneakily went to hotels just like horny bunnies. We used candies for safety reasons. We even rented costumes to spice up our sex. Once, I rented a sexy nurse uniform but no undies or bra underneath. I even shaved my pubic hair in the shape of heart (not easy!) so that I could surprise him. Silly and sweet right?!  If I'm not wrong, I ever forced him to wear an apron that we bought from Mustaffa Centre! It was almost usually fun-filled fuck feasts.

Meet for breakfast, checked-in, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Lunch time, took a short break with a light lunch and continued our fuck fest till dinner time.
After a heavy dinner, we took about an hour to digest and continued our fuck galore till midnight. Sleep, then next day, first thing after brushing my teeth, I would 'DICK' in when he had the morning wood. Awesome, I love when men have morning glory. Easy, fast-fuck to end the wonderful sexcapade before check out. Love!

I blew his whistle, he polished and waxed me. He screwed me, I unscrewed him. Finish. I didn't have to say or tell him what grades I wanted in school. It was almost automated. Somewhat like an obligation for his part to take care of me. To avoid suspicion, he ensured that I would pass above average but not to the extent of topping my class. He would notify me if I would be receiving any warning letters or getting in discipline problems. In short, he watched my back. We fuck till I graduated and never keep in touch again ever since. Not because I didn't like him. It was because I found out from one of his friends that he is married with 2 kiddos.  I couldn't forgive myself for sleeping with a married man. So I went MIA. There were no gifts exchanged or any Mont Blanc pen. I did not pay for his credit card bills. The whole affair was memorable, fun and pleasurable. No animal was harm in the process of our steamy love making sessions. 

Years later I heard rumours that he had tried similar stunts with other female students and next thing I know he left the institution. Now, he is doing well in another renowned institution in Singapore. 

Well, some people get away with shitty stuff while others don't. For Darinne, too bad you told the wrong person and that person is either plain jealous or an extremely righteous person who cannot stand the idea of injustice. 

One thing we know, this is an epic case and definitely going to leave a major imprint in Singapore. Let this be a lesson for those who are having a relationship with their students or teachers now. Either you stop the shit now or you continue with tact. I know it's hard to resist when the sex is good and you have a sweet young thing shagging you all day. But think twice about the repercussions on yourself. 


Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Adventures with a Horse Jockey

Many moons ago, I was at the driving range hitting some golf balls with my 7 iron, when a short man booked the lane next to mine. The driving range was empty on a weekday mid-afternoon, so it was strange to find someone took up a bay next to an occupied one. But I ignored thinking that it could be his favourite spot although he doesn’t look local and he was an unfamiliar face at the country club.

Although I am not a good golfer, and so far have only managed to attain a PC, I was very well-dressed like a golf professional. I live my life by a motto. If you can’t play like Tiger Woods, might as well look good and confident. Back then I was crazy about Titleist because the logo is pretty. All my gears were fully self-sponsored by Tilteist from head to toe. A hefty price to pay to look good, but it felt great.

With my tight white mini skirt and baby pink polo top from Ralph Lauren, I sizzled up the entire driving range. Soon I noticed the short man robotically paced up and down to fetch the golf balls from the dispensing machine even though he already had 4 baskets of them.

Intentionally, I was on a stance which naturally revealed my perky ass, slightly lowered my upper body  and showed my cleavage. I confidently aimed for 200m.

I felt someone was staring at me. The cute short man. I looked up and he grinned at me. I stopped and looked at him and smiled. He returned the smile with a confrontation. He complimented my swing and thought it was perfect (BULLSHIT!) and my posture was excellent. Short men can get on your nerves but I don’t mind some fun. He was as tall as I was. So he felt comfortable taking on a petite Asian woman like me. Several short leading questions led to the real motive. He asked if I was interested to grab a drink at the Beer Garden. I agreed.

Dear readers, let me introduce my specimen number xxxth. His name was Al*x*s residing in an ang moh country (cannot share his location!). He was a horse jockey at Singapore Turf Club. We chatted, half the time I couldn’t understand what he was talking about because his tongue twisted and curled liked barbecued squid. Five minutes into the conversation I began to fantasize about how it would be like to fuck a short man. No harm trying as long there is the handy-candy condom.

Most times, I love my life. I met so many men who yearn to jiggle with me, who lust for me. And every time it’s different and I’m tempted to try these new delicacies. 

He sounded Italian but of course he is NOT Italian. 

He asked for my number, I willingly gave. The next few days we exchanged smses. He asked me out, we went out several times before I gave him the indication I was ready for jiggle.  After a wet and wild tongue rolling action and groping session, I hinted that I was okay about getting laid.

One fateful night, Al*x*s picked me up in a Beemer. Fancy, I Likeee! He opened the car door for me. Very gentlemanly. I LIKE! We ended up at Clarke Quay before it was renovated. HAHA that was ages ago huh! I can't remember the name of the restaurant but I do remember the dinner was quick because we had a naughty plan that night. That year, on Friday the 13th, it was my first ever fuck with a short man who was horse jockey at Singapore Turf Club. How rare can that be!

We kissed non-stop as though we were in lip-locking competition. Our tongues were naturally glued with industrial adhesives. Once he opened his house door, he ran to bed room with his hands held to mine. I laid down on the luscious water bed with purple linens. So soft and silky. I had a tingling sensation when the linens brushed against my skin. For this, Al*x*s got my two thumbs up!

So, we fucked on the bed. He doesn't have long cock, just an average johnny. The deed was decent. After cleaning up myself, I put on his shirt and lured him will my sultry eyes. I did a sexy lap dance. He got super turned on. I made him sit on a chair. I took my silk scarf and tied up his hands. I took my G-string and covered his eyes. We didn't talk. I just let my lips and tongue did the talking. I started by kissing his lips, moved up to his cheeks, moved down again to his neck, moved up to lick his ears and gave a little moan. I unbuttoned the shirt that I put on earlier, exposed my pointy nipples and brushed those ripe cherries on his face and lips. I began to work my way down, move to kiss his neck again, then chest and nibbled gently on his nipples. I wanted it to be as sensuous as it can be.

I had to release him from his pain. Poor little guy, he was whimpy and begged me to stop torturing him. Of course I gladly untied his hands. In a jiffy, he grabbed my body, carried me to the living room and laid me on the couch. It was bright and I could see him clearly. He thrusted his hotdog inside and I felt a rush of adrenaline.  I came 11 times that night. Don't get me wrong. He wasn't good. I was just freaking horny. Every month, one week before my menses I will be transformed into a horny monstress. I'm always 'wetter' than usual and feel like a warm chocolate lava cake. On the couch alone I came 4 times. So far, the naughty night went well.

I love the kissing moment with my partners. When I kiss, I will naturally close my eyes. When I climax, I will naturally close my eyes. But when I accidentally opened my eyes for my fifth homecoming, I was shocked to see that Al*x*s eyes didn't blink. They were wide open. My fifth homecoming orgasm was stopped short because I was surprised and somewhat shocked to see his expression like this (see below).

So I stared back at him because he stared at me while he was fucking me. I supposed it was natural for him to have a shock expression when he fuck. I was not happy with what I saw. It lasted for good 15 minutes. He didn't blink. Not once. I waited and watched till I turned dry down south. Nope. No blink. For a while, I thought I was fucking an alien.

Before the deed, I had imagined Al*x*s to have a pleasant O-face. For the record, he had the ugliest O-face that I have EVER seen in my entire life! His eyes locked in place and froze. His mouth was distorted and his body twitched violently. Some say it was pure surrendering like sneezing, but how I wished it was more delectable.

I didn't enjoy the couch session. After he came, I became reserved and quiet. I left about 10 mins later with an excuse that I had to meet my friends for supper.

I ignored his phone calls and smses for follow up sessions.  Al*x*s confessed that he loved me and thought I was godsend. Wow! Whenever I think of it now, I feel nausea and will turn pale. Oh dear, what a sexperience.

teddy hugs,

Monday, 11 June 2012

The Art of Oral-sex

Over the weekend, me and girlfriends bunked in at one of our friend's apartment and had a discussion on oral-genital sex. Apparently and to my surprise, many of my friends are still uncertain about their sexual capabilities and possibilities despite plentiful encounters and exposure. While there are many who are experts in sexual reproductive system, a good number of Singaporeans are still 'blur blur' about oral sex. After flipping through chapter 14 of my vintage green paperback biology text book (ehemm, pure science student!), I have conjured a simplified, 5-minute worth on oral-sex specially dedicated to my friends and avid readers. Enjoy <3

Oral-genital sex can be one of the most enjoyable and sexually arousing options available to people who seek pleasure and fulfillment from a sexual relationship. Many people like to include oral sex as a special intimacy to aid arousal in their foreplay, but prefer to attain orgasmic satisfaction through coitus. 

A woman, who is more inclined to reach orgasm through clitoral and vulval stimulation rather than vaginal stimulation from the penis alone, finds it particularly beneficial to her arousal and subsequent sexual satisfaction. The soft moistness of the tongue suits the delicate clitoral area very well, and is more likely to excite her and less likely to irritate than having a dry finger rubbed against the area during manual stimulation. 

The majority of men take special pleasure in receiving fellatio from their partners. Depending on the particular stimulation, a man may enjoy it purely as a method of arousal and then want to proceed towards full penetrative intercourse, or he may hope that his woman uses her mouth to bring him to orgasm. Although oral sex is highly arousing, some men have a tendency to ejaculate prematurely find that oral stimulation gives them greater control over their orgasmic processes than if they had vaginal sex without it. 

One of the most delightful aspects of oral sex is that it provides the opportunity for lovers to take it in turns to surrender themselves totally to simply giving or receiving loving and highly erotic attention. 

Cunnilingus (not Cunninglingus)
Most women would prefer to be aroused through sensual play, loving strokes, kisses, and whole body attention before they receive any direct stimulation of the clitoral area. This gives a woman time to produce and secret her own love juices, so that her vulva becomes receptive, warm, wet and welcoming. 

Women often complain that men either neglect the clitoris or they zone in on it before they become aroused. Before men begin to perform cunnilingus, kiss and excite all the areas adjacent to her genitals, then gently nuzzle over her mons and vulva. 

When she is aroused, her vulva will swell, as will the lips of her vulva. You can gently part her lips, and begin to thrill her with your tongue. Change your strokes and pressures and pay special attention to the areas surrounding her clitoris as this can be more arousing. let your tongue playfully stroke around the vagina, even thrusting a little into it. Change the rhythm and action of your tongue, as too much sustained pressure can be irritating. You can also suck gently on her clitoris, flick your tongue over it from side to side. Cunnilingus can bring some women into multi-orgasmic state. 

Never blow air into her vagina as this can cause an air embolism and may be dangerous.

If you are performing fellatio on your man, it is probably good idea to place one hand around the shaft of the penis so you can control the thrusting movements. In this way, you can overcome the fear that you might be inadvertently choke. Your man should always let you remain in control of the movements, and he should refrain you from thrusting deeply into your mouth, no matter how excited he is. 

Work your way slowly and sensuously down his body towards his genitals, bringing the whole surface of his skin alive with your breath, lips, tongue and touches. Linger over his belly, kissing tenderly around his pubic area and moving inch by inch closer to his genitals. 

Focus special attention on the underside of his penis as this part is particularly sensitive to stimulation. Many men love the sensation of having their scrotum gently stimulated by loving licks and kisses.Move his penis gently to one side and explore his the whole area with your tongue, while stroking his thighs and buttocks and perineal region with your other hand. 

Despite fellatio is commonly referred to blow job, never blow directly into the man's penis as this can be harmful - air embolus where an air bubble blocks the passage of blood in an artery or vein. In severe cases, if blood flow is completely obstructed, the tissue in that area will die. If the embolus were to travel up to the heart or lung, it  would cause death. 

So, what are you going to do tonight? Oral sex is the best option to drive away the Monday blues and heat up the oven for saucy sex grrrrrrrr ;) Besides, we need to produce more Singaporeans to beat the viral reproduction of Pinoys and Chinkies in our red dot island.

Lotsa love,

Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Posh Club Ku De Ta is a prostitution joint?

Hey sweethearts,

How have you guys been doing? I'm sure many of you have been sexing up and painting the town red on weekends just like me. LOL

Talking about painting the town red on weekends, one reader became red recently when her ang moh male friends got "poached" by a "prostitute" in Ku De Ta, a renowned posh club at Marina Bay Sands (MBS). The lady known as 'SHE' had sent complaint letters to the management of MBS and the posh club Ku De Ta. Apparently, the Singapore Tourism Board (STB) was also informed of this incident but I'm not sure what was the outcome. The responses from MBS and Ku De Ta are below:

I recalled a similar observation when I went out with my cute Norwegian date named Erik S. about 3 months ago. We left shortly after we saw a woman who looked like she furiously tore her pink dress with scissors, revealed too much flabby skin and fats, paced up and down the club in a desperate hope to find a "customer". My judgment could be wrong, but I'm certain she looked and talked like a Pinoy. Although I don't like to see such posh clubs to be patronised by prostitutes, I honestly don't care much about it as long as those type of women doesn't approach my date. But reader 'SHE' got really pissed and I'm sure many have would have reacted the same way too if it happened to them.

Truthfully, I'm actually surprised and quite disappointed in Ku De Ta after reading Michael's response. What 'SHE' said was quite correct, given this lax approach, Ku De Ta is no better than those clubs along Duxton Rd.

STB should start doing something and step up their checks on tourist attractions and hotels. I'm sure the our Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong wouldn't like it if Singapore is famously unique for their foreign sex talents.


Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Love Thyself or you will become Object of Objectification

I received an email from a guy friend with interesting attachments. Instead of laughing my heart out, I ended up furious.

It was a video of a Malay woman giving a blowjob to a dark-skinned man prolly  an Indian with thick but short penis. My guy friend even attached her Facebook photos and furnished her full name. I shall not reveal her full name here as I want to protect her identity. The only clue I can give now is that she PROBABLY bears the initials ‘L.O’.

I DO NOT condone such acts of publicizing intimate moments with your ex-es. I despise men who uploaded naked photos of their girlfriends or ex-lovers. I hate men who uploaded videos of their partners. It's unscrupulous and unjust. Their penises should be chopped off and feed to the dogs. They should be skinned alive. They should be eaten by the cannibals in Papua New Guinea.

According to feminist theorist Immanuel Kant, women are objects of male sexual desires. Objectification involves treating a person, someone with humanity, as an object of merely instrumental worth. Consequently this situation reduces this person to the status of an object  for use. The objectified individual is made into a tool for others' sexual purposes. Objectification therefore, constitutes a serious harm to a person's humanity.

Dear ladies, please do not get yourselves involved in such trashy, agonizing, and stressful situations. During the heat of the moment, if the man insists he wants to film you, just reject the invitation. If he demands compliance, slap his face, pack your bags and leave the place. If he still takes out his phone while you are doing the cowgirl, please snatch the phone away from him and film his ugly, flabby body instead. We have witnessed many women who have been victims of home videos. Men will not reveal their faces, but they will video the women at every nook and corner of their bodies. At the end of the day, women will always be at the losing end. Their pride and integrity will be torched and tarnished for the rest of their lives. Please love yourselves. Don't let men treat us women like toys. It should always be the other way round.

Although we behave like sluts when we are doing the act, it doesn't mean that women are really sluts. 

Whoever who knows this Malay woman, please get her to contact the website that uploaded the video. 

World Peace,

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

me and my screwdriver


Sorry sweethearts, I have been busy with work lately. Just came back from Doha and Hongkong. Barely had any rest in between. No sex, no blowjobs, but I have been playing with myself so that quelled my sex desire for a short while.

I was terribly sick during both trips, so I had popped many flu medicine to last me throughout the entire travelling period. I looked pale, chapped lips due to dehydration and groggy. Simply put, I wasn't myself.

Anyhow something unpleasant happened when I was at Changi airport. I picked up my luggage and walked towards the exit when a Malay security officer named 'Mohd something' (can't remember his second name) stopped me to further inspect my luggage. He was standing there along with two other male and female officers. They were all Malays.

When I get stopped at the airport, it could only be two things:

i) I'm a suspicious article
ii) I'm too hot so they need close-up inspection of my face and my goods.

For this case of course it was the latter because if they had detected anything, they would have detained me earlier.

So I complied and put my luggage through the scanner. After it passed through, 'Mohd' took my luggage and looked at me:

Mohd: We need to inspect your luggage Madam.

Me: Why?

Mohd: Would you like to declare anything?

Me: Declare what? My bra size?

(The other two officers wanted to laugh but tried hard to maintain a cool disposition. He unzipped the luggage and started to ransack my stuff.)

Me: Aahh, those are my dirty laundry...that one is my toiletries bag. That's my shoe bag, that one is my hair dryer..

Mohd reached further into the luggage and dug out an A4 size pink drawstring pouch.

Mohd: What is this?

Me: That thing is for personal use.

(He opened it.)

Mohd: Ahh?

Me: Haha. I told you it's for personal use. Since you insist to open it, Surprise!

Mohd: oh..

Me: Now, I'm very displeased because I have sterilise my device again after you have touched it. This one has never been touched by anyone else except me.

Mohd: Sorry..

(I walked away)


Here's the picture of my sonic screwdriver. My colleague gave me as a birthday present last year. I googled and strongly suspect that she got my toy from here - Sextoys.


Thursday, 3 May 2012

"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater.."

Sometimes when you are blessed with good looks, it can be a curse. You will be blinded by choices, but as always you will end up with the bad boys, although ideally you would want to marry the good ones. Because we women think that we could change these bad boys one day. Bullshit. Once the egg is rotten, it is irreversible.

Why we women like bad boys? We are attracted to them because they know how to sugar coat their words like Garrette’s popcorn coated with buttered-caramel. Yum! Taste sweet but extremely bad for your health and teeth. Women like any ordinary human being like to hear the good niceties.

One of the many reasons why women remain single and end up becoming spinsters is because they have been cheated by their partners. There are so many good looking women who have stopped loving human beings, instead they channel their love to animals. They will adopt a pet or something.  Or just love something. Sometimes they turned lesbians because they have given up on men.

Some women would lavish on branded goods. Others would spend thousands monthly to make themselves look good, signing up spa or Botox packages. Others become sluts and embark on sex rampage. Bottom line is, women feel insecure after their emotions have been battered and frayed by men who are serial cheaters.

When men visit prostitutes or sleep with many 'other' women aside from their partners, they expect their other halves to forgive their mistakes. But when a woman sleeps with stranger she is labeled a slut. Technically, if you compare the two equations, the answers will sum up to unscrupulous and despicable. They are the same. But it doesn’t degrade the women as lesser beings than the men, vice versa. Men are MCPs. They just can fuck those call girls or some other bitches, and then go back home still fuck their wives. WTF!

As you get older, you will realize the candidates are diminishing at the speed of lightning. By the time you hit 30, you will look around and asked yourself where have all the men who used to have major crushes on you disappeared to? Antarctica?? Mars?? Or gone to war?? DEAD?? Where are all the good men that you have rejected once upon a time? Then you heard that they were happily (maybe/maybe not) married with at least 2 kids. You will emotionally beat yourself for the wrong choices made, and start fantasizing how your offspring would look like if you were to marry Tom, Dick or Harry. When men cheat, we women become bitter. We lose our youth, our time and opportunities. We roam and search for the perfect men in fear of being cheated again. Too high expectations. By the time women lower their expectations, they are left with 3 types of rejects (i) men who are married but still want to play, (ii) divorced men who are trolleying a baggage of problems, or (iii) men who are as old as their fathers. Worse, if these ‘eligible bachelors’ are much older than their dads. Haha, who’s your daddy?? LOL.

I’m not spared too, I had my fair share of being cheated. Here's my story:

Donkey years ago, I had a five year relationship with an Asian guy. We were planning to get married. Arrangements were made and booked. We even got a flat. In that span of five years, he had cheated on me countless times. But I was a forgiving and subservient girlfriend then, so I had forgiven every single mischief. Bloody fooled me. For a couple of months he appeared like he had repented. One day, I found out that he was sleeping with a slut who was a divorcee. She was his ex-schoolmate. Back then, she was crazy about him, but he was a heartbreaker. So, the interest did not blossom until much later.

I got his mom to confess. She said he had been sneaking out in the middle of the night to go out drinking with his friends. By the end of the night he would bring a woman back and fuck her good and proper. Every night out had to end with a fuck. He was (maybe still) a horny bastard.

I was devastated. Because we had gone through countless bad times together. I shall not disclose what had happened but those bad times tainted my life. Aside from those bad happenings, he was an international relations person. He slept with so many nationalities, you name it. If I can give him a title, he would be General Secretary of the United Nations.

The weird thing was that we had sex 6 times a week. Other than those days I had my menses, we would be humping everywhere and anywhere like rabbits. It was hot, raunchy, lustful and sexciting. At least that was what I thought. Still sex wasn’t enough. Being the trophy girlfriend wasn’t enough too. Soon I noticed every time he ejaculated, it got lesser and lesser. Still, I kept quiet thinking that it was normal. No!! I was punked.

After a series of unfortunate events, I began to receive weird phone calls from women who complained to me about my ex-fiance. They were his ex-girlfriends and some sluts but I don’t know how they got my number and how they knew him. It was traumatic. They would vividly describe how they fuck and insisted I should be wary of his whereabouts. At first, I refused to believe them, but as the calls got frequent, I became worried if I had contracted any STDs. Worse, I got worried if he had started his ‘adventures’ again.

I went for check up and did some reflection. Thankfully I was okay, with no signs of STDs. I began to imagine how he fucked those women like how he fucked me. Boomerang style, helicopter style, wakeboarding style, twister style, tornado style, etc. These women and this bastard had mind-fucked me.

Like all good things, it came to an end. We broke up, and I swiftly went into depression. I kept things to myself. I didn’t want to burden anyone including my parents who were rather traditional then (now very open-minded).  But I wasn’t experienced enough to handle things on my own. It affected many important things in my life. My parents were devastated. His parents were shocked as they had no idea what went wrong till much later. My dad got hospitalized and went through a surgery because his heart couldn’t take the sudden news. I went MIA and disappeared from friends. I tried to get better, and after 1 year of drowning my sorrow with Chivas, I came out of it gradually. I lost a lot of weight and looked like a walking skeleton. I lost my nice boobies for awhile but managed to salvage them and now they are looking great. After 3 years, I've grown to be a different person with new set of goals and principles. It wasn’t an easy break up or calling off an engagement like any ordinary one.  Everyone thought it was a pack up-and-go thing. Nope it wasn’t. It was messy, heart-wrenching, ugly, and painful. He was an irresponsible man.

The best part was the slut knew my existence but still went ahead with the affair. In my heart, I wondered how can a fellow womankind be so cruel? How can you fuck a man knowing that he belongs to someone else? Are you that desperate to be fucked???

But I thank her now for taking the rotten egg away from me.  If I had been his lawfully wedded wife, I'd prolly be Singapore's Lady Gaga at IMH. Like I said before, if a man has cheated before, he will cheat again. As the slut once said “Life is too short not to enjoy it”.

So who says Asian men are better than White guys? They are all the same.

World Peace,

Thursday, 26 April 2012

How on earth I became an SPG

It started when I was a young girl. I had fantasized about marrying a prince charming who is tall, white and handsome. Just like the ones in Cinderella and Snow White fairy tales. I dreamt that I would grow up to be a beautiful woman (still beautiful) and I will give my first kiss to a handsome white male.

Then came history class where we learn about British occupation in Singapore. I went to the library and saw several books with pictures of white male with frisky moustaches. Not really my fancy but the desire still unabated. I was determined to kiss a white boy.

When I was in secondary school, I was into UK boy band craze. Boyzone, Take That, East17, PJ Duncan. You name it, Top of the Pops was my favourite magazine and I would starve during recess just to buy these magazines from the newstands. I even traveled to UK with my family just to watch their concerts. I was in love with these white guys. But my preference has always been honey-blonde or brunette.

Back then my secondary school was near an international school located in central part of Singapore.  Since we girls never really had proper contact with boys, we would watch these ang moh boys loiter around the area. As I was the prettiest among the six group of friends, naturally I got more attention from these boys.

One day I met Phil. He was a brunnete with green eyes just as I like it. I gave my first kiss to him. He taught me how to masturbate and also how to give him a hand job. At 14 I watched my first ang moh porn with Phil. Those were my first lessons. It got me more curious to explore the human reproductive system. Amazing how the penis can grow, somewhat magical. Before we could get on to the real works, his parents had to leave Singapore abruptly. The puppy love lasted for 3 months only.

Fast forward, I lost my virginity when I was 16 just after O levels. I gave it to a local guy name William Lim Ming Hui. He was tall, tan, sporty and was a school sprinter, but not good-looking. He has a typical Singaporean chinky man look. Luckily he has nice set of pearlies. He was 2 years  older and studied at NAFA, so kinda arty-farty type of fella. One day he asked if I had tried blowjob, I said no. He reached out a sourvenir baseball bat and started some stroking action. I told him it was unimaginable and weird because a penis cannot be that big. Haha I wasn’t that silly. So he went to the fridge, ransacked the vegetable compartment and took out two Japanese cucumbers. He instructed me to hold one of it while he held the other.  I clasped it tightly but he told me to stroke it gently. It was kinda weird moment for us but his effort was there.  I gave him A for effort. So I told him nope, I cannot imagine blowing a cucumber. Getting frustrated, he shoved the cucumber in his mouth and demonstrated to me how the motion and momentum should be like. I laughed. It was an unforgetable sight. Well we were still young and naive then, so we did silly things. I guess 2 years older doesnt make a person more mature than a 14 year old. Then, I finally confessed that I have watched porn when I was 14. He got angry and threw the victimised cucumber out of his window. Hilarious.

At that point I asked myself, what the hell just happened. I was thinking, wouldn't it easier for him to show me a porn with a BJ scene or just unleash the snake from his bermudas. Anti-climax, my fault. So to coax him, I slowly began to unbutton my floral blouse and revealed my cotton bra from Beedees. I still remember it was not underwired with faint pink small flower prints. As I was quite well-endowed, as usual he was always turned on to see my teeties. Prior to this we had petted several times at his place. I was always wet so I foresaw there will be no penetration issue on the day I will have sex for the first time.

Seeing this sight, he was no longer angry. He gave me a smirked and a playful laugh. His breathing got heavy and he couldn’t control himself. Knowing that I was prepared for this, I grabbed his penis and released it from the constipated environment. He gave a long moan. He suddenly grabbed me and threw me on his single bed.

As his room was on the second floor and tucked away in a corner, no one could hear us. Besides, no one was around except for his pug. We had the privacy we wanted.

I was ready for this day. I had psyched myself that I will give up my virginity to beloved, chinky prince charming William Lim Ming Hui whom I loved the most in this world. More than my brand new United Colours of Benetton bag and shoes.

Fast Forward. The sex was a failure and boring. It was not like what I had imagined. It wasn’t like in the porn. It sucked! His penis was okay, much smaller than Phil’s but I suppose it was an Asian size dick. No complains yet because I haven’t experimented other penises for comparison.

He was a 36:12 minute man.  I had timed him with my pink Baby G watch because I read in the Her World magazine that an average man should last AT LEAST  5 minutes for first time fuck. We were both virgins,  I had stained his bedsheet and he had sprayed his cum on my newly rebonded hair and my new UCB bag which was at the edge of the bed. Bad aim and ticked me off.  He came so much and it smelled bad. Lucky me I didn’t give him a BJ. If not I would regret it my whole life. Eversince then I gave him a nickname Stinky Tofu.

Fast forward, we had sex several more times, it got a bit better and timing improved. By the time we had our last fuck, his best time was 10 minutes plus.  Yawns. We kinda drifted after the first fuck, it was a nightmare for me. Everytime we fuck it was like a torture. By the 3rd session I was loathing every second of it. We grew apart sex was less regular after I got into JC. We broke up on his 19th birthday.

I was still traumatised by the stinky smell. Dunno what he had eaten all his life. All I know his favourite food was chicken rice or char siew rice. He ate those everyday. Apparently he had himself checked after I insisted, and the doctor told him there was nothing wrong. He has just bad genes I suppose. Oh well. I pity his future girlfriend though. Hope he had his problem fixed. Hope he still alive to enjoy good sex with the one he loves.

Fast forward, my subsequent encounters mostly have been with ang mohs and several good relationships with local men. The percentage would be roughly about 70:30. See.. not too bad right, I havent boycott our local men yet. Just lost faith that’s all. Maybe one day I will rediscover it with someone. Who knows.

Till our next sharing..TGIF.

Love, GS.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

I love SEX and I cannot Lie

Hello everyone. Thank you for visiting my blog. When i started this blog it was supposed to be something therapeutic. Pen down my life happenings and drama, something to laugh about and share with my friends, my nieces or probably my offsprings. Didn't expect it to get pick up by some people in the cyberspace. oh my, I'm flattered and tickled.

According to friends, netizens are curious about how I look like. maybe I look like a monster, maybe I look like lady macbeth, or a witch. Hahah. I don't have the photos now as I'm currently working, I shall upload whenever i have the time later one. But here are my vital stats and a brief info abt myself before I'm off to a meeting:

Name: Grumpy Spinster
Location: Singapore City
Native Singaporean.
Vital stats: 34C Teeties, 24 Waist, 33 35 Ass
Height: 1.60m
Size: 0
Weight: 45kg
Age: 30-something

Long hair.
Enjoys running, swimming and yoga. Plays almost any kind of sports.
Sizzling hot and sexy.

Have tongue and belly piercings. No tattoos as I like clear skin.
Enjoys giving blowjob and lunch time quickie.
Don't like Anal job because I will have constipation cannot shit after that.
I don't find joy in breast fuck don't know why men like so much.
I like bondage and role plays.
I hate small penises, licking of armpits, short men.
I have 4 dildos of different sizes and purposes - Mr Luigi collection

Loves desert wines, any salads, chocolates and strawberries.
Works in a established MNC, holding a managerial position.

Bisoux xoxo

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Everybody loves Walker (not!)

I have a love-hate relationship with ang mohs. Although they have beautiful eyes, great accent and charming, I do hate them because of their mannerisms and too big headed. I will date all ang mohs EXCEPT Americans. 

I think Singapore has been and is still very tolerant towards ang mohs and we have allowed them to live peacefully in our small tranquil island with almost everything comfortable, clean and prompt. They took advantage of these comforts and think they could get away with just anything including cheating on their wives, especially coming from short men (better remembered as Frodo from The Lord of the Rings or a Half-Pint). let's define who are the smidgets.

Short Man Syndrome: the typical characteristic of any male under 5'10". Including attitude problems, and the necessary need to make their wife/girlfriend feel inadequate to compensate their own inadequacy. Tendency to be bullies and abuse people to make themselves feel better. Where a person of short stature believes they have the ability to take on any person at any task. It is a general cockiness that is in a short person to replace the lack of height. Beware of anyone with short man syndrome. 

Here's one example of Napoleon complex. Meet Walker. Chanced upon him at 1-Altitude Bar.

He is a half-pint American guy, speaks a little Malay but just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He blabbers non-stop like a naggy old woman. He’s a pain in my ass, so as others who have come across him too. He is annoying.

Walker aka Frodo aka half-pint bragged about an acclaimed title in a beer chuggging contest at Ice Cold Beer bar last year. With that in his spirit, he proudly announced his participation for 2012 even before the contest is announced, and was confident he will win the title again this year making him the defending champion. But before the clock struck midnight, he was was swaying left to right, talking to our branded handbags and mumbling to a cigarette like a retard. As a grand finale, he puked at my friend's Gucci shoes and was dead drunk! -_-

Before Frodo got drunker than drunk, he initiated a conversation about the underage sex scandal which had implicated 48 SG men so far. Frodo again boasted that these men are stupid to pay for sex when it is so easy to get one from SG girls. Frodo  has never paid for sex because he could easily get it for free. He boasted that he slept with 100 women every year and was so easy to charm SG women with his looks and height. Ok wait...i think he forgot to measure his length because he is a smidget. Judging from his size and character, I bet his penis is as small the size of a my nephew's pinky but his ego as big as the universe. 

Frodo tried to pick up my babe friend who is 1.75m tall while he is only about 1.65m. Parallax error! What a twart! When I told him to cool off a little as she is attached, he defended himself and told us he is married, but his arm was still wrapping around my friend’s shoulder (she was sitting down) with strong vibes that he wanted to bed her.

I ordered some food: pizzas, tortilla chips, chicken wings and truffle fries. Frodo asked if he could eat because he was hungry. I agreed and invited him to try some. To my horror, he ferried the fries and chicken wings to his group of ang moh friends, and shared my paid food with them. He finished my bowl of truffle fries and ate half of my cheesy beef chilli with tortilla chips. WTF!!

Farking stingy white thrash who just leeches on women for sex and food. What cheap skates. Shame on you Walker and friends. Rule number one: Never date Americans because they are a bunch of freaktards. Just look at how the world was ‘raped’ by them.

My message to Walker’s wife, please don’t waste your time with this stupid, half-pint man. Get a divorce, fight for custody of kids, (if you have any) ,get an attractive compensation for the mess he has created. If a man can cheat once, he can cheat many times. If a man have cheated before, he will cheat again some day when the radar is on. Take care babe.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

What kind of fetishes do you have? part 2

So we get it on, and he licked me like how a dog licks its master. To a point that it disgusted me. Then he raise up my right arm and started sniffing my armpit. His tongue curled and twirled as it aimed for my right armpit. He licked me in a swift, tasted my pits and continued licking them for the next 10 minutes. My Dolby NR and THX sound system suddenly cracked and went silent. No more sound, gone mute. I no longer yearn for his f*cking thick italian sausage to rip me apart. I just want to chop off the sausage and feed it to the dogs. I hated the feeling of being licked at my ARMPIT. I HATE IT! Well, thank you I know I am a great sweet smelling goddess with zero bad pit-fume, but it was freaking weird. The best part is he was actually enjoying it!

As I was devising an escape plan, my phone (thank you God!) rang and i rushed to pick it up. He insisted I should stay put at the position (put up arm high) so he can continue to lick me, but I retracted my arms and retorted i need to pick up this call.

Within 30 seconds I was dressed, pick up my handbag and said my goodbye at the door. I left him standing speechless. It felt like a good spanking for licking my armpits.


I saw the same italian sausage at Attica two months later and I pretended not to see him while he looked at me with bitterness. Evil Laughter*

Friday, 17 February 2012

What kind of fetishes do you have? part 1

I find it weird that some men have weird and 'extraordinary' fetishes. Here’s my story as I promised to tell when I started this blog:

There was this Italian man that I went out with in Jan. He claimed to have starred in some local drama or something. Think its bullshit because he just wanna get in my pants. Well, he did. Sigh.

We went to the Flutes at the Fort to have nice dinner. Had a nice vintage Dom Perignon, but not I’m a big fan of champagnes. I prefer dessert wines anytime. We chit-chatted and our hands started to roam. By the time we finished the second bottle of Moet, we were groping each other. Yes, I was horny that night. It’s been like two weeks and my water level had rose to flood Singapore anytime. At this age, my sex drive is driving me nuts. Always hungry. For Sex. Sex Sex Sex.  I love sex so much. By my standard, anything above the two weeks period is a torture.

So we hopped into a cab and adjourned to his rented apartment in orchard. Almost slipped and fell when I alighted from the taxi, but he saved me, scooped me up and carried me back to his place. I was like so excited as it was the first time someone did that, and that gesture turned me on! Yeah!

I usually shower before I get it on, but this time, no no, I couldn’t take it anymore. I pounced at him, lay him on the floor, almost tore his Hugo Boss top, slipped my hands in his CK brief, and there it was.  My precious thing. The grower, and it grew bigger than I thought it would be. That thing almost ripped me apart down there you know. I love it!

I have never tasted an Italian sausage. Have tried bratwurst, Swedish meatloaf, French baguette, but Italian sausages, hmmm I must say it was a sextronomical experience. hahah. Yummy.

I was drench and dripping wet down south by the time I saw the sausage. I dunno it was the moon, the wine, or simply I was effing horny. Almost wanted to bring the Italian sausage home and keep it in a fridge for another savouring session at my convenience . Or add it to my mr Luigi collection.

So he undressed me, I was feeling sexy coz I just bought this new bra and G from victoria secret online spree, and it was sizzling red hot and spicy! Well, I think with my tight body, I could wear anything. So Lulu and Lucy greeted with him politely and he was startled to see a beautiful pair that sultrily lured him to fondle them. He could not resist when saw my 34C and firm (yes round and form ok!) attached to my petite figure. He kept muttering those sensuous words in Italian, licked my lips, kneaded my breasts and my perky ass. He carried me to his luscious and soft bed, and stroked his penis. I was so turned on. In my mind, come and get me now f$#$k! Like now!! now!! His hands then moved to butter Miss V while I slithered his sausage with my studded tongue.

To be continued…

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Last week me, my group of spinster friends and several couples were hanging out at Robertson Walk. You know the usual chillex and over a couple of beers, mojitos and awesome dinner. Generally Robertson Walk is a decent place, mostly expats and tame crowd. However, that one night tainted the peace and tranquility of my favourite hang out joint. While I was bitching about how bad my one night stand turned out the night before with a Jewish-English (what Blasphemy!), we heard a commotion nearby. Apparently a white male, probably in his mid-30s bought drinks for everyone there (well i think there were about 6 people at the pub that time), but refused to pay when the bill came up to about $850. Huh? What did he drank? I must say he was a looker, probably an Aussie or Brit, but his mannerism was a major put-off. Who the hell buys drinks for the whole village and don't pay up?

Several friends who hang out with the ang mohs (SPGs?) told me these white thrashies will try to avoid payment whenever possible. Some of these ang mohs managed to get away with this cheapo trick but others have landed themselves in a hot mess just like the white trio who had inflicted severe injuries to the Singapore taxi drivers (read here for details of Suntec Assault>>

Ok, back to my story. There was a chase after the white guy when he tried to escape from the pub, he ran around Robertson Walk and three waiters from the pub gave the ang moh a chase but lost him. Several members of public who appeared to be Malay youngsters and Indian boys had helped to look for him this white fella. Hmm.. ultimately, the white guy was caught and the police was called up. Finish. End of story.

It's disturbing to find the expats in SG are getting out of hand. Although they are irresistibly cute and good looking (only some), are are still mortals who are far from perfect. Are Singaporeans (and the SG govt) giving them too many leeways? Yes.

The white superiority theory was embedded in our minds since the British occupation. It's time we should let it go and embrace a brand new mindset on these ang mohs that they are (for those who know and have slept with them before) are not that great after all.

People like me who have developed a love-hate relationship with the ang mohs do not worship these men. We are just suckers for their good looks and blue eyes. They are still stinky, have ugly sets of pearlies, and sleep like pigs. Probably those children fairy-tale books have given us hope to fall in love with a prince charming who are tall, handsome with honey-blonde hair. In reality, these white men are self-centered, egotistical and boastful men who thinks they have magnum size penises when they f*ck small Asian vaginas.

Oh dreary world.

Yes  I am grumpy. That's because I have no love life, at least not at this point of my life when my sex drive is at its zenith. Demand exceeds supply. In fact there is no supply. Well, I admit i have a few hook ups here and there. But well, I am not pleased with the world and people around me. Certainly not today.

So i started this blog, since everyone including my close friends, colleagues and bosses felt that I should start pouring my innermost frustrations and bittersweet life symphony in a more constructive way. I think, it's just their way of saying, "get a life". oh well. Will spill some beans about my life stories. Probably for my nieces and nephew to read up and learn some life pointers before they make the same stupid mistakes as i did.

Will 'ketchup' (haha) up.