Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Grumpy Spinster is on Facebook!

This is a tad late because I am not young anymore and my life does not revolve around technology and cyberspace. I still prefer face-to-face contact, so that explains my constant lagging posts. People, I have a life outside of this space. Fucking is more important than posting a wall of text. 

Nevertheless, I am very proud of myself for this tiny achievement. I set up a Facebook Page with the help of my good friends so please flock there and faster LIKE my Facebook Page. Do post anything you wanna share too - your agonies, sex experiences and whatever that has to do with sex, I wanna know too.


many many love,

Monday, 18 February 2013

I Love FOREIGNERS (whites only)

Me and gay friends decided to do a picnic at Hong Lim Park where some people had organised the 6.9 million protest. It was too crowded, felt like Michael Jackson concert so we had to find a less crowded spot pretty far away from where the whole commotion was, laid our picnic mat like the Pinoys and ate our homemade ham and cheese baguette. While silly Singaporeans had shown support for the 6.9 million protest, I was more interested to check out any good looking people lurking somewhere. You know, this was the time to be seen and I leaped at any opportunity available to market myself. Ehem! Sad to say, there were no cute guys. Most Singaporeans are ugly (thank God I’m not!). And most of the time I wasn’t really listening to what the speakers had said. Actually it was TJ’s (very handsome gay friend) idea of going to Hong Lim Park  because he said he wanted to show support. I've never like crowd so it was boring for me. Besides, I don’t care about Singapore politics! I only care about getting married and finding someone to fuck! Arrrggghhh!

You know that feeling that you don’t ever want to end up being a spinster all your life. Like when I’m 40, I just want to find that someone to fuck, play with his penis every morning, have sex in kitchen, toilet or even at the balcony. Woah alfresco style! So what if you have lotsa money, by the time you grow old, there is no one by your side while you are on the deathbed. I don’t want that to happen to me. What’s important for me now is to find happiness by fucking with someone I love and he loves me too. I have never given up on love and I know someday, somehow I will find that special someone. Till then, I will keep hanging out with my fun gay friends, go clubbing and just party!

Okay, okay. Many of you would say that finding a suitor in a club is a wrong move. But where else can people of my age go? Networking, speed dating, match-making? Been there and done all that. All fail! Trust me, the people who flocked to these organised dating events are 99% the ugly looking, perverts, freaks, and pyschos.

Looking at all these stupid Singaporeans with their panoramic xenophobia got me thinking about how Singaporeans are two-faced fools. I, Grumpy Spinster do not and will never fucking support this stupid 6.9 million protest because:

1.     I want an ang moh husband and conceive beautiful mix-breed children.
2.     I want more ang moh to come so it will increase the probablity of me meeting my future husband.
3.  It also increases the chance of me fucking more men as drought season is hitting V town again..yay!
4.     I could be the poster girl for embracing the foreign talents (whites only campaign).
5.    Dear government please don’t include Pinoys and PRCs because they are smelly, I hate their curvy ‘R’ accent and I hate them in competition towards finding my future husband. They are also competing for White males, meaning it reduces my chances dramatically. So please scrap them from your projection, include whites only please. Thank you.

Honestly, Singaporeans are hypocrites and morons. They all went down to Hong Lim Park to protest against foreigners but actually their friends and relatives, brother, sister, aunty, uncle or what nots are also embracing foreigners with open arms just like me. Actually, they love ang moh so much. That’s why when ang moh speak to them they also tend to follow the accent. That’s why when ang moh customer buy something, Singaporean sales girls treat them like king and speak to them in a soft spoken manner. Fucking sluts.

Come to think of it, if Singaporeans are so anti-foreigners, why didn’t they also go and protest when their sister, brother, niece, nephew, father, mother, grandfather, or great great grandfather got married to foreigners? Why didn’t they protest against the marriage? Scared ah? Imagine the impact of family relationships if those newly married inter-nationality/racial couples found out that their relative is actually actually xenophobic. That would be chaos. The chances of the white male running away with his Singaporean partner and permanently reside in his hometown is pretty high. There goes a loved one stolen away...

I also noticed Singaporeans are crazy about foreign labels - kitchenware, underwear, bags, toothbrush, cars or even condoms – oh we just love imported ang moh products. Since they hate foreigners, maybe they should also boycott foreign imports and stop using foreign labels so as to make their xenophobic statement more impactful.

Singaporeans are also crazy about foreign countries. If you ask any superficial Singaporean about their top 3 must-go destinations, one of them would definitely be an ang moh country: Paris, Rome, Hamburg, San Franscisco, blah blah. “Oh I want to see and feel snow before I die” or “I want to visit the Trevi Fountain and toss a coin”. We know the answers because we have succumbed to the world of western imperialism. Even our food, culture and language now have been westernized. If they want to stand firm on the 6.9 million protest, then they should stop visiting ang moh countries altogether. If your boss sends you to ang moh country for work, just say it is against your principles.

One thing’s for sure, I welcome this ang moh foreigners  into our country. I love white men (except Americans like Walker). Because they are sextisfying! It’s not all bleak journey for spinsters; there is a glimmer of hope for spinsters like me to get settle down, altogether putting an end to our spinsterhood. Break that curse! Yes!!!!!! To be loved and to love. Please la, you selfish married people already have bobbing babies, it would be easier for you guys to say no to foreigners. But what about the growing number of unmarried men and women? We too need a steady flow of fuck. People like me are tired of looking, searching and roaming around just so we could end up with someone who love us just as we love them End of the day, it is all about companionship and Singaporeans are just not good enough for spinsters. 2030 is not that far, although I’d be in my 50s by then, but it’s okay, love has no age limit. (happy jig*)

To all spinsters, let’s say Hellloooooo to the numbers 6 and 9 yeah!