Wednesday, 24 October 2012

I heart inter-race-course

I am back!

Hello everybody! I am feeling great from my long vacation in beautiful Santorini and went a little further in Italy shopping to stock up on my make up and handbags. Oh c'mon, girls have to look good don't we?

Anyhow, right after I came back everyone was talking about Amy Cheong who became more famous than Annabel Chong for posting seditious remarks about our Malay mats and minahs. If I have been cornered to choose between the two, I would rather enjoy Annabel's glory. At least I get fucked by many men while Amy is going through drought season.

Like seriously, if there could be anyone that Singapore government would choose as a symbol of multiculturalism, it would definitely be ME. I love Singaporeans but as of the last 10 years, I prefer to fuck ang mohs. It's just a choice. Having said that, it means that I had several sexual encounters with Malay mats. They are nice easy-going, chillax people who enjoy sex, motorbikes, cigarettes, and alcohol when they are young. Once they are married with kids, those who have repented would be ultra pious like Mas Selamat Kastari. Unfortunately, those who are stubborn and still want to remain romeos will end up partying for the rest of their lives like those pakciks who drink Tiger at coffeeshop.

One such fella I met was Saiful, but his friends called him Epul. We met at RumRunners. I was invited to my friend's friend all girls birthday party. It was weird because I was the only non-Malay girl but luckily I blended in because of my beautiful golden tan skin.

Don't talk to me about dancing, because I am the master of grindin' yeah! I can grind a man like how I grind peppercorns. Uh huh..Slick, sexy and groovy.

Little did I know this mat Epul was stripping me with his bionic eyes at the bar counter as I furiously shook my booty and grooved to the song by Khia My Neck My Back (Lick it). He slowly drifted right beside me and started to sway his body, in sync with mine. He came closer to my perky ass and instantaneously we became prata plaster. We dance all night till 3am, then he asked what I wanted to do after clubbing. When I told him I had no plans, and he asked if I wanted to hang out with him after clubbing.

Like any other Malay blokes, Epul was not bad looking. Unlike our local chinkies' faces mostly flat like they have been ironed, our Malays mats, I noticed usually have decent and acceptable look, with a sense of style (skaters, hip hop, grunge or rockers). Not to mention they have acceptable size of cucumbers. Is it because of belachan? Well, I don't know..

So we arrived at his Circuit Road flat, and oh my.. his house got a distinct Malay smell. No one was at home because he said his mom worked night shift at factory and his minah sister worked as KTV hostess. Oh well, another dysfunctional Malay family, but this didn't bother me much as long as he was a good fuck.

I relish circumsized penises because they look pretty cute and something about the ripe dickhead that makes you want to pop it in your mouth. I must say that he has the most number of moles on his shaft and balls! If i remember correctly, I counted there were 19 moles of different sizes: 9 on his shaft, 3 on his left fig and 7 on his right fig. Epul's a spotty one down there and somewhat reminded me of 101 Dalmatians! I find it extremely strange. How the hell anyone can get so many moles on their private parts?!

As we were too tired from the grinding, and I cannot do my favourite reverse cowgirl that night, We decided on missionary and doggy to seal the deal. It was a decent fuck. I woke up in the morning, the Malay house smell lingered. Yucks.

Did I say he complimented how beautiful I looked in the morning? Haha, seriously smooth operators are dangerous creatures and they should be shot to death. Girls, pls don't ever believe when a men say you looked beautiful in the morning especially when you hair looked it got electrocuted. But I appreciated his nice gestures and I chose to believe that I looked great that morning. We met a couple more times and became short term fuck buddies and okay bye bye, he was gone as soon as I got my menses again that month.

So what's the moral of the story? No matter how you think Malay are useless and lazy, or their house got Malay distinct smell from frying fish and keropok everyday, they do make Singapore special. Yeah, they sing well and won many Singapore Idol already, they can play the guitar well, and they can draw very well too, but there are many other good niceties about this race that are worth exploring such as the food and culture. If you really cannot find anything nice, sex will be a good start to get acquainted with the race or in fact any race.

Pls don't judge a book by its cover and if you must judge, please try to sift your words first and not hurl insensitive remarks at people. There is a difference between Fuck and Fuck you. Errr..whatever..

To Amy Cheong, I'm glad you left Singapore if not you bring shame to the SPGs community. I am sure even Babarella Posh Beckham have removed you from the SPGs pack.

Whatever it is, racial bigotry has no place in our tiny island. I wouldn’t want to offend my neighbours and friends who are of different race. I also wouldn’t want to offend my friends who have different sexual orientation. Just be tolerant okay, no more squabbles please?

May I suggest Amy Cheong do the following at down under:

1)   Smoke weed if you haven’t been a smoker. Try e-cigarette if you want an environmentally friendly one.
2)   If you haven’t gotten any sex from your hubby because you guys have been quarreling about the snoring he made, please go and masturbate so that it can make you relax. If you feel disgusted, just play with pit tap and spray at your clit, it also helps to give you some shiok feeling.
3)   Take up yoga...who knows you can do the boomerang style..and wow your hubby ...maybe you marriage will turn out better.
4)   Run to get out of your life. Exercise releases ‘happy hormones’. Just keep running whenever you feel angry... 
5) Invest in a 'rabbit'...heh 

To all my Muslim friends (gays, transvestites, lesbos, heteros) I would like to wish you Selamat Hari Raya Haji and Happy holidays!