Saturday, 3 November 2012

Angst

The rain didn't help with how I feel..weary, bleak, uncertain, small and dented...

I'm feeling a little depressed these two days. Maybe it's my menses that usually comes uninvited. Maybe it's my hormonal change. Maybe it's me..

I met a couple of old primary schoolmates for dinner on Tuesday night. We went to Margharita's at Dempsey. These are not my usual hang out friends, but they are decent bunch we grew up together and we try to meet up at least once a year to catch up and share gossips and most times problems.

As I'm the only SINGLE woman in the group, the rest are either married with kids or they are divorced with kids, so they tend to talk about their children and their problems raising their children. Life is great and dandy, what a happy family...oh fuck that bullshit!

Okay I get it. I'm a SPINSTER. Whenever you guys look at me with that sneaky grins and evil smirks, it kinda make me feel small and SHITTY. I feel like an entrapped, helpless princess and you are all the evil witches who enjoy seeing me feel miserable and hopeless in love. Because I'm not like you all who have naughty children and have 'doting' husbands.

I'm not the mute kind of friend. I will laugh as loud as I can at anything funny and I'm jovial. But when they realised that I turned mute, they joined forces to bombard me with pricking questions: When will I want to find a steady boyfriend and quickly get married and give birth and have many offprings. One of them even said "WHEN WILL YOU BE LIKE US??".

WTF.

I hate these questions and remarks. We are world's apart and my taste in men are unlike those fat husband of yours who enjoy simply plonk themselves on the sofa and watch TV while you guys start your nagging marathon. I'd rather remain spinster than living a life filled with worries. Besides, I have my own goals and getting married is NOT in the top 10 of my to-do list.

I don't want to be like them because they have adopted the 'aunty' look. NO WAY.
Grow sideways minimum L size. Losing hair, stretch marks. NO no NOOO!
Rush, rush, mad rush.

AGING gracefully is my top priority!

But these shenanigans didn't stop there.

Go to auntie's house during Chinese New Year, relatives asked when I want to get married.
Go to distant cousin's house during Hari Raya to eat lontong and rendang, they asked when I will get married and must quickly give birth because my age is plumping.
Go to weddings, the same people will look at me with disgust when I brought along different handsome looking white men every time. Like changing clothes...
End of year catch up, people start asking what happened to the last boyfriend I had. Fuck.

eh, STRESSS LAH!

It's like playing a broken record. Same old shit, same ding dongs, same tune. Yawns, boring.

JUST STOP ASKING ME WHEN I WILL FUCKING GET MARRIED ALREADY CAN OR NOT!


11 comments:

  1. Until such time your status is untouchable, people will always ask those questions. Different folks different strokes - your friends enjoy marital bliss doesnt mean its the same for you, they just want what they think is best (ideal) for you. Far as i am concerned, relatives gave up asking me - i will give them the death stare. (you should practice that) p.s what happened to norwegian?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  2. Just go out and have fun...and tell your friends about how "free" your life is, and how you can just about do any damn thing you like: that would shut them up for a while. Celebrate your singlehood, in other words.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Marriage is like opening a restaurant, prohibitive investment cost with a high chance of failure but its a romantic notion which keeps people doing it.

    What i can never understand is people who have nothing in their lives suddenly find a 'purpose' ie a means to an ends (of finding 'happiness') when they marry have children, and then 'happily' fail to progressively develop as parents/spouses.

    A lot of times i wish i could tell parents that the reason they are having issues with their kids (or spouse) is staring at them right back in the mirror:-

    10 year olds with with poor health, poor eating habits, selfish attitudes, ipad/phone/computer game addictions, lethargy, hygiene problems and racist attitudes - aren't plucked out from the sky. They are groomed - by PARENTS.

    As with sexless couples, many of whom whose groins are hidden from their own view due to corpulence, groomed by angst, frustration and failure to overcome their own issues prior to their 'blessed' union.

    With such great examples, its no wonder institutionalized marriage is difficult - because one needs a to accept a slow and suffocating regression just to achieve 48hrs of fame otherwise mundane lives.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey babe just be yourself and celebrate life as and when and however u deem fitting. U r wat u r. Always sexy, sensual, sassy and beautiful and the envy of them all. Cheers and take care.
    A.S.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just be yourself. As time passes through like dreams so dont bother too much about it. Just be happy and cheerful. If you are meant to be married late or not to married it still depends on your choice, no one can force you as happiness is in your hands. So do enjoy yourself as life is short.

    Cheers
    Devilofalldevil@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Just be yourself. As time passes through like dreams so dont bother too much about it. Just be happy and cheerful. If you are meant to be married late or not to married it still depends on your choice, no one can force you as happiness is in your hands. So do enjoy yourself as life is short.

    Cheers,
    devilofalldevil@live.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. where does a guy go to meet a girl like you? i thought girls like you are dead in singapore.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are not married because yu are ho. No one want damaged goods.

    ReplyDelete