Saturday, 3 November 2012


The rain didn't help with how I feel..weary, bleak, uncertain, small and dented...

I'm feeling a little depressed these two days. Maybe it's my menses that usually comes uninvited. Maybe it's my hormonal change. Maybe it's me..

I met a couple of old primary schoolmates for dinner on Tuesday night. We went to Margharita's at Dempsey. These are not my usual hang out friends, but they are decent bunch we grew up together and we try to meet up at least once a year to catch up and share gossips and most times problems.

As I'm the only SINGLE woman in the group, the rest are either married with kids or they are divorced with kids, so they tend to talk about their children and their problems raising their children. Life is great and dandy, what a happy family...oh fuck that bullshit!

Okay I get it. I'm a SPINSTER. Whenever you guys look at me with that sneaky grins and evil smirks, it kinda make me feel small and SHITTY. I feel like an entrapped, helpless princess and you are all the evil witches who enjoy seeing me feel miserable and hopeless in love. Because I'm not like you all who have naughty children and have 'doting' husbands.

I'm not the mute kind of friend. I will laugh as loud as I can at anything funny and I'm jovial. But when they realised that I turned mute, they joined forces to bombard me with pricking questions: When will I want to find a steady boyfriend and quickly get married and give birth and have many offprings. One of them even said "WHEN WILL YOU BE LIKE US??".


I hate these questions and remarks. We are world's apart and my taste in men are unlike those fat husband of yours who enjoy simply plonk themselves on the sofa and watch TV while you guys start your nagging marathon. I'd rather remain spinster than living a life filled with worries. Besides, I have my own goals and getting married is NOT in the top 10 of my to-do list.

I don't want to be like them because they have adopted the 'aunty' look. NO WAY.
Grow sideways minimum L size. Losing hair, stretch marks. NO no NOOO!
Rush, rush, mad rush.

AGING gracefully is my top priority!

But these shenanigans didn't stop there.

Go to auntie's house during Chinese New Year, relatives asked when I want to get married.
Go to distant cousin's house during Hari Raya to eat lontong and rendang, they asked when I will get married and must quickly give birth because my age is plumping.
Go to weddings, the same people will look at me with disgust when I brought along different handsome looking white men every time. Like changing clothes...
End of year catch up, people start asking what happened to the last boyfriend I had. Fuck.


It's like playing a broken record. Same old shit, same ding dongs, same tune. Yawns, boring.