Prostitution - World's oldest and recession-proof profession

The boys were talking about the Nuruul Aliyyah Malay Prostitute and how she was so desperate for money. Nuruul Aliyyah and her mat rep gang work like a syndicate. While their girl is doing the fucking service, they will loiter around and wait for the girl to finish. Pick her up machiam chauffeur but they don't drive cars. They can only afford motorbikes. I bet she stays somewhere in ghetto Marsiling, Bedok or Tanglin Halt. Talking about Nuruul Aliyyah reminds me of a someone. There was this schoolmate that I knew in school because we were in the same netball team. She was a sweet looking minah, big eyes, nice lips almost like a barbie doll. Yes, by my standard when I say someone pretty means she is REALLY pretty and she is a rare find. But she has an unglam name Hamidah.

Soon after she kinda dropped out of school but no one knows why. I met her a few years later at Forum and oh boy she looked different. She was sexy, beautiful with fake lashes, smoky eyes and lacey dress. What a remarkable transformation. I was shocked. We talked as usual. She told me she dropped out from school because she got pregnant and now she has a kiddo. They were not married then because he got thrown into jail for gang fight. She stayed at Circuit Road. So we agreed to keep in touch. She asked me to call her by her new nickname Sonia.

Sonia was a 16 year old single mom who had difficulty holding down a steady job. Her kid is constantly sick and nobody was available to take care of her kiddo. Sonia could never afford her own place so she stayed with her step sister. Sonia decided to join modeling after she heard from friends. She registered as a freelance model on a website called ModelMayhem.com and posted ads on Craigslist. Instantly, she received tons of e-mails from so called 'modeling agencies'. Soon she realised these dodgy websites turned out to sleazy nude modeling and social escort. She was surprised how easy it was to earn such big money. She needed the money big and fast. She didn't care about the sleaze.


Within a few months, Sonia was earning about $1,000 a day on trips to Malaysia, Brunei and other countries. These were big shots and VVIPs. After so many years of depending on others, she finally could earn enough money to feed her child and give them shelter. Online, she could be her own boss and not share what she made with anyone — not a pimp, not an escort service, not a boyfriend. When her boyfriend finally got out of prison, she already had her own condo courtesy of a rich bugger who wanted to save her from her misery. She dumped her stupid criminal-good-for-nothing boyfriend. Sonia is now happily married to the rich man and moved to California. They have two more beautiful kids.

What startled me is the great transforming feature of the Internet is its anonymity. We all have learned that a person can almost anything online without even their closest loved ones knowing. It's like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Works for both escorts and clients. No need to go down to sleaze town and get it down and dirty. It is evident that Internet sex workers would never dare to work on the streets. It all takes a little financial pressure such as loss of income or increase of expenses as a catalytic factor push them into this arena.

And of course, that little bit of hope that one day a Richard Gere-like man would save you from misery. Just like what happened to my dear friend Sonia.

Let's continue to hope.
G.S

Grumpy Spinster is on Facebook!

This is a tad late because I am not young anymore and my life does not revolve around technology and cyberspace. I still prefer face-to-face contact, so that explains my constant lagging posts. People, I have a life outside of this space. Fucking is more important than posting a wall of text. 

Nevertheless, I am very proud of myself for this tiny achievement. I set up a Facebook Page with the help of my good friends so please flock there and faster LIKE my Facebook Page. Do post anything you wanna share too - your agonies, sex experiences and whatever that has to do with sex, I wanna know too.

http://www.facebook.com/grumpyspinster

many many love,
GS

I Love FOREIGNERS (whites only)

Me and gay friends decided to do a picnic at Hong Lim Park where some people had organised the 6.9 million protest. It was too crowded, felt like Michael Jackson concert so we had to find a less crowded spot pretty far away from where the whole commotion was, laid our picnic mat like the Pinoys and ate our homemade ham and cheese baguette. While silly Singaporeans had shown support for the 6.9 million protest, I was more interested to check out any good looking people lurking somewhere. You know, this was the time to be seen and I leaped at any opportunity available to market myself. Ehem! Sad to say, there were no cute guys. Most Singaporeans are ugly (thank God I’m not!). And most of the time I wasn’t really listening to what the speakers had said. Actually it was TJ’s (very handsome gay friend) idea of going to Hong Lim Park  because he said he wanted to show support. I've never like crowd so it was boring for me. Besides, I don’t care about Singapore politics! I only care about getting married and finding someone to fuck! Arrrggghhh!

You know that feeling that you don’t ever want to end up being a spinster all your life. Like when I’m 40, I just want to find that someone to fuck, play with his penis every morning, have sex in kitchen, toilet or even at the balcony. Woah alfresco style! So what if you have lotsa money, by the time you grow old, there is no one by your side while you are on the deathbed. I don’t want that to happen to me. What’s important for me now is to find happiness by fucking with someone I love and he loves me too. I have never given up on love and I know someday, somehow I will find that special someone. Till then, I will keep hanging out with my fun gay friends, go clubbing and just party!

Okay, okay. Many of you would say that finding a suitor in a club is a wrong move. But where else can people of my age go? Networking, speed dating, match-making? Been there and done all that. All fail! Trust me, the people who flocked to these organised dating events are 99% the ugly looking, perverts, freaks, and pyschos.

Looking at all these stupid Singaporeans with their panoramic xenophobia got me thinking about how Singaporeans are two-faced fools. I, Grumpy Spinster do not and will never fucking support this stupid 6.9 million protest because:

1.     I want an ang moh husband and conceive beautiful mix-breed children.

2.     I want more ang moh to come so it will increase the probablity of me meeting my future husband.

3.  It also increases the chance of me fucking more men as drought season is hitting V town again..yay!

4.     I could be the poster girl for embracing the foreign talents (whites only campaign).

5.    Dear government please don’t include Pinoys and PRCs because they are smelly, I hate their curvy ‘R’ accent and I hate them in competition towards finding my future husband. They are also competing for White males, meaning it reduces my chances dramatically. So please scrap them from your projection, include whites only please. Thank you.

Honestly, Singaporeans are hypocrites and morons. They all went down to Hong Lim Park to protest against foreigners but actually their friends and relatives, brother, sister, aunty, uncle or what nots are also embracing foreigners with open arms just like me. Actually, they love ang moh so much. That’s why when ang moh speak to them they also tend to follow the accent. That’s why when ang moh customer buy something, Singaporean sales girls treat them like king and speak to them in a soft spoken manner. Fucking sluts.

Come to think of it, if Singaporeans are so anti-foreigners, why didn’t they also go and protest when their sister, brother, niece, nephew, father, mother, grandfather, or great great grandfather got married to foreigners? Why didn’t they protest against the marriage? Scared ah? Imagine the impact of family relationships if those newly married inter-nationality/racial couples found out that their relative is actually actually xenophobic. That would be chaos. The chances of the white male running away with his Singaporean partner and permanently reside in his hometown is pretty high. There goes a loved one stolen away...

I also noticed Singaporeans are crazy about foreign labels - kitchenware, underwear, bags, toothbrush, cars or even condoms – oh we just love imported ang moh products. Since they hate foreigners, maybe they should also boycott foreign imports and stop using foreign labels so as to make their xenophobic statement more impactful.

Singaporeans are also crazy about foreign countries. If you ask any superficial Singaporean about their top 3 must-go destinations, one of them would definitely be an ang moh country: Paris, Rome, Hamburg, San Franscisco, blah blah. “Oh I want to see and feel snow before I die” or “I want to visit the Trevi Fountain and toss a coin”. We know the answers because we have succumbed to the world of western imperialism. Even our food, culture and language now have been westernized. If they want to stand firm on the 6.9 million protest, then they should stop visiting ang moh countries altogether. If your boss sends you to ang moh country for work, just say it is against your principles.

One thing’s for sure, I welcome this ang moh foreigners  into our country. I love white men (except Americans like Walker). Because they are sextisfying! It’s not all bleak journey for spinsters; there is a glimmer of hope for spinsters like me to get settle down, altogether putting an end to our spinsterhood. Break that curse! Yes!!!!!! To be loved and to love. Please la, you selfish married people already have bobbing babies, it would be easier for you guys to say no to foreigners. But what about the growing number of unmarried men and women? We too need a steady flow of fuck. People like me are tired of looking, searching and roaming around just so we could end up with someone who love us just as we love them End of the day, it is all about companionship and Singaporeans are just not good enough for spinsters. 2030 is not that far, although I’d be in my 50s by then, but it’s okay, love has no age limit. (happy jig*)

To all spinsters, let’s say Hellloooooo to the numbers 6 and 9 yeah!

Happy New Year Sexy People!

Happy New Year 2013.

Gosh..when was the last time I really sat down and pen down my thoughts here. I miss writing and I'm effing glad to be back balls!

FYI, I went MIA to nurse a broken heart. And like many dejected creatures, the best place to seek tranquility and reflect is none other than Bali. Yes, I was alone. I spent most of December in Bali, in the hope to find peace within myself again; realigned myself. I want to be emotionally better for the upcoming new year, leave all those bad breakups, lousy men and heartaches behind. It's time to start afresh. I am a strong woman, although emotionally beaten time and again but I am a survivor. What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger. Hell yeah! I feel rejuvenated machiam reborn again. heh.

I always believe that if you want something so much, the entire universe will conspire to help you get what you want. Only if you believe in it. I would like to think I have a nice heart, a little bitter but sweet. just like Hershey's bitter sweet choco chips.

I tell you, if you are feeling down, you tend to spend more money. Well, it is a temporary measure for women. Retail therapy or whatever one may call it, it does work! But reality hits you harder when you see ur credit card bills and asked yourself why the fuck you spent your bonus on Rolex, Salvatore Ferragamo shoes, Goyard bag, and Rimowa luggage. Like seriously what was I thinking to spend 1000+ on a luggage????? Stooopid sia. Regrets but this kind of regret is okay because money we can earn back. But not our youth..so the clock is ticking and I have come up with a list of new year resolutions:

1) Have sex at least 5 times a week
2) Find an ang moh husband
3) Be on the cover of FHM Singapore
4) Earn lotsa money
5) Have lunch time quickie at least once a week
6) Give my man a BJ everyday eventhough I'm deadbeat and bored of his penis. Besides food, a way to man's heart is a good blowjob.
7) Hope that everyone in this world including lovely readers will be sextisfied with their partners
9) May all those men who raped women will be fed to the dogs.
10) Quit shopping (errr...try lah)

How? Okay or not my NY resolution?

Give a man a fuck, and you will ease his lust for a day; give him a blowjob, and he will lust for you for a lifetime - Grumpy Spinster

I fucking love this quote. Genius or what. hahaha

More happenings coming up. Stay tune..

Angst

The rain didn't help with how I feel..weary, bleak, uncertain, small and dented...

I'm feeling a little depressed these two days. Maybe it's my menses that usually comes uninvited. Maybe it's my hormonal change. Maybe it's me..

I met a couple of old primary schoolmates for dinner on Tuesday night. We went to Margharita's at Dempsey. These are not my usual hang out friends, but they are decent bunch we grew up together and we try to meet up at least once a year to catch up and share gossips and most times problems.

As I'm the only SINGLE woman in the group, the rest are either married with kids or they are divorced with kids, so they tend to talk about their children and their problems raising their children. Life is great and dandy, what a happy family...oh fuck that bullshit!

Okay I get it. I'm a SPINSTER. Whenever you guys look at me with that sneaky grins and evil smirks, it kinda make me feel small and SHITTY. I feel like an entrapped, helpless princess and you are all the evil witches who enjoy seeing me feel miserable and hopeless in love. Because I'm not like you all who have naughty children and have 'doting' husbands.

I'm not the mute kind of friend. I will laugh as loud as I can at anything funny and I'm jovial. But when they realised that I turned mute, they joined forces to bombard me with pricking questions: When will I want to find a steady boyfriend and quickly get married and give birth and have many offprings. One of them even said "WHEN WILL YOU BE LIKE US??".

WTF.

I hate these questions and remarks. We are world's apart and my taste in men are unlike those fat husband of yours who enjoy simply plonk themselves on the sofa and watch TV while you guys start your nagging marathon. I'd rather remain spinster than living a life filled with worries. Besides, I have my own goals and getting married is NOT in the top 10 of my to-do list.

I don't want to be like them because they have adopted the 'aunty' look. NO WAY.
Grow sideways minimum L size. Losing hair, stretch marks. NO no NOOO!
Rush, rush, mad rush.

AGING gracefully is my top priority!

But these shenanigans didn't stop there.

Go to auntie's house during Chinese New Year, relatives asked when I want to get married.
Go to distant cousin's house during Hari Raya to eat lontong and rendang, they asked when I will get married and must quickly give birth because my age is plumping.
Go to weddings, the same people will look at me with disgust when I brought along different handsome looking white men every time. Like changing clothes...
End of year catch up, people start asking what happened to the last boyfriend I had. Fuck.

eh, STRESSS LAH!

It's like playing a broken record. Same old shit, same ding dongs, same tune. Yawns, boring.

JUST STOP ASKING ME WHEN I WILL FUCKING GET MARRIED ALREADY CAN OR NOT!

I heart inter-race-course

I am back!

Hello everybody! I am feeling great from my long vacation in beautiful Santorini and went a little further in Italy shopping to stock up on my make up and handbags. Oh c'mon, girls have to look good don't we?

Anyhow, right after I came back everyone was talking about Amy Cheong who became more famous than Annabel Chong for posting seditious remarks about our Malay mats and minahs. If I have been cornered to choose between the two, I would rather enjoy Annabel's glory. At least I get fucked by many men while Amy is going through drought season.

Like seriously, if there could be anyone that Singapore government would choose as a symbol of multiculturalism, it would definitely be ME. I love Singaporeans but as of the last 10 years, I prefer to fuck ang mohs. It's just a choice. Having said that, it means that I had several sexual encounters with Malay mats. They are nice easy-going, chillax people who enjoy sex, motorbikes, cigarettes, and alcohol when they are young. Once they are married with kids, those who have repented would be ultra pious like Mas Selamat Kastari. Unfortunately, those who are stubborn and still want to remain romeos will end up partying for the rest of their lives like those pakciks who drink Tiger at coffeeshop.

One such fella I met was Saiful, but his friends called him Epul. We met at RumRunners. I was invited to my friend's friend all girls birthday party. It was weird because I was the only non-Malay girl but luckily I blended in because of my beautiful golden tan skin.

Don't talk to me about dancing, because I am the master of grindin' yeah! I can grind a man like how I grind peppercorns. Uh huh..Slick, sexy and groovy.

Little did I know this mat Epul was stripping me with his bionic eyes at the bar counter as I furiously shook my booty and grooved to the song by Khia My Neck My Back (Lick it). He slowly drifted right beside me and started to sway his body, in sync with mine. He came closer to my perky ass and instantaneously we became prata plaster. We dance all night till 3am, then he asked what I wanted to do after clubbing. When I told him I had no plans, and he asked if I wanted to hang out with him after clubbing.

Like any other Malay blokes, Epul was not bad looking. Unlike our local chinkies' faces mostly flat like they have been ironed, our Malays mats, I noticed usually have decent and acceptable look, with a sense of style (skaters, hip hop, grunge or rockers). Not to mention they have acceptable size of cucumbers. Is it because of belachan? Well, I don't know..

So we arrived at his Circuit Road flat, and oh my.. his house got a distinct Malay smell. No one was at home because he said his mom worked night shift at factory and his minah sister worked as KTV hostess. Oh well, another dysfunctional Malay family, but this didn't bother me much as long as he was a good fuck.

I relish circumsized penises because they look pretty cute and something about the ripe dickhead that makes you want to pop it in your mouth. I must say that he has the most number of moles on his shaft and balls! If i remember correctly, I counted there were 19 moles of different sizes: 9 on his shaft, 3 on his left fig and 7 on his right fig. Epul's a spotty one down there and somewhat reminded me of 101 Dalmatians! I find it extremely strange. How the hell anyone can get so many moles on their private parts?!

As we were too tired from the grinding, and I cannot do my favourite reverse cowgirl that night, We decided on missionary and doggy to seal the deal. It was a decent fuck. I woke up in the morning, the Malay house smell lingered. Yucks.

Did I say he complimented how beautiful I looked in the morning? Haha, seriously smooth operators are dangerous creatures and they should be shot to death. Girls, pls don't ever believe when a men say you looked beautiful in the morning especially when you hair looked it got electrocuted. But I appreciated his nice gestures and I chose to believe that I looked great that morning. We met a couple more times and became short term fuck buddies and okay bye bye, he was gone as soon as I got my menses again that month.

So what's the moral of the story? No matter how you think Malay are useless and lazy, or their house got Malay distinct smell from frying fish and keropok everyday, they do make Singapore special. Yeah, they sing well and won many Singapore Idol already, they can play the guitar well, and they can draw very well too, but there are many other good niceties about this race that are worth exploring such as the food and culture. If you really cannot find anything nice, sex will be a good start to get acquainted with the race or in fact any race.

Pls don't judge a book by its cover and if you must judge, please try to sift your words first and not hurl insensitive remarks at people. There is a difference between Fuck and Fuck you. Errr..whatever..

To Amy Cheong, I'm glad you left Singapore if not you bring shame to the SPGs community. I am sure even Babarella Posh Beckham have removed you from the SPGs pack.

Whatever it is, racial bigotry has no place in our tiny island. I wouldn’t want to offend my neighbours and friends who are of different race. I also wouldn’t want to offend my friends who have different sexual orientation. Just be tolerant okay, no more squabbles please?

May I suggest Amy Cheong do the following at down under:

1)   Smoke weed if you haven’t been a smoker. Try e-cigarette if you want an environmentally friendly one.

2)   If you haven’t gotten any sex from your hubby because you guys have been quarreling about the snoring he made, please go and masturbate so that it can make you relax. If you feel disgusted, just play with pit tap and spray at your clit, it also helps to give you some shiok feeling.

3)   Take up yoga...who knows you can do the boomerang style..and wow your hubby ...maybe you marriage will turn out better.

4)   Run to get out of your life. Exercise releases ‘happy hormones’. Just keep running whenever you feel angry... 

5) Invest in a 'rabbit'...heh 

To all my Muslim friends (gays, transvestites, lesbos, heteros) I would like to wish you Selamat Hari Raya Haji and Happy holidays!

Fuck for Benefit

Hello beautiful readers. I'm on off day today. So here I am sipping my coffee and I was inspired to write about a topic that I love most - sex. This was because all my girlfriends and gay friends are talking about the most scandalous topic that hit our country - the NUS Professor Tey Tsun Hang and his little pony Darinne Ko. Then there is another involving the RI teacher and her student. It got me thinking, what the fuck is happening to our good schools in Singapore?

Then again, I have heard so many stories involving students and lecturers usually in polytechnics and universities. I even know a few students who eventually married their lecturers because they found love in each other. Just like Rihanna found love in Chris Brown. Just like Jessica Biel found love in Justin Timberlake. Lecturer and students are ordinary people. Like seriously, teacher/lecturer-student sex is a common thing that happened in tertiary institutions, but after reading the article I recalled a similar event that happened to me many many years ago. 

Sometimes, the sex happens because you really like the other person and consequently both parties reap some benefits from the whole affair. Sometimes, you desperately want something in return so you come up with a brilliant plan to ensure that your journey in school with be a smooth sailing one such as sexual and resource benefits. 

Back when I was in school,  there was this teacher who was popular among the sweet young girls. You know, we girls like someone who is funny, friendly and witty. As I was a pretty girl in school, not surprisingly the teacher paid extra attention to me. He claimed that I was rebellious (yes I was a wild one) and refused to do any of his homework. Slept in his class, doodle penis, boobies and vaginas since they are my favourite images LOL. Just like Darinne, I was lucky that have been blessed with a good quality AAA-cell brain all thanks to my mom's religious routine in shoving gingko biloba nuts and black currants into my mouth everyday. But I must admit Darinne is not clever enough because she went around and tell her backstabber friends about her dirty little secret. For me, I kept my mouth shut. 

Let's just call the teacher WL. 

How it started was simple. WL asked if I got MSN account so we could do group chat with the rest of the classmates. Then we started by chatting in private and shared jokes and silly experiences with our exs. Then it naturally got into the topic of sex and BINGO! Once WL knew I'm open to share my sex positions, the size of my pink nipples and how my extraterrestrial skill in licking men dry, he cleverly dropped hints on sexcapade interest. 

The rest is history, we fuck like normal people fuck. We sneakily went to hotels just like horny bunnies. We used candies for safety reasons. We even rented costumes to spice up our sex. Once, I rented a sexy nurse uniform but no undies or bra underneath. I even shaved my pubic hair in the shape of heart (not easy!) so that I could surprise him. Silly and sweet right?!  If I'm not wrong, I ever forced him to wear an apron that we bought from Mustaffa Centre! It was almost usually fun-filled fuck feasts.

Meet for breakfast, checked-in, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Lunch time, took a short break with a light lunch and continued our fuck fest till dinner time.
After a heavy dinner, we took about an hour to digest and continued our fuck galore till midnight. Sleep, then next day, first thing after brushing my teeth, I would 'DICK' in when he had the morning wood. Awesome, I love when men have morning glory. Easy, fast-fuck to end the wonderful sexcapade before check out. Love!

I blew his whistle, he polished and waxed me. He screwed me, I unscrewed him. Finish. I didn't have to say or tell him what grades I wanted in school. It was almost automated. Somewhat like an obligation for his part to take care of me. To avoid suspicion, he ensured that I would pass above average but not to the extent of topping my class. He would notify me if I would be receiving any warning letters or getting in discipline problems. In short, he watched my back. We fuck till I graduated and never keep in touch again ever since. Not because I didn't like him. It was because I found out from one of his friends that he is married with 2 kiddos.  I couldn't forgive myself for sleeping with a married man. So I went MIA. There were no gifts exchanged or any Mont Blanc pen. I did not pay for his credit card bills. The whole affair was memorable, fun and pleasurable. No animal was harm in the process of our steamy love making sessions. 

Years later I heard rumours that he had tried similar stunts with other female students and next thing I know he left the institution. Now, he is doing well in another renowned institution in Singapore. 

Well, some people get away with shitty stuff while others don't. For Darinne, too bad you told the wrong person and that person is either plain jealous or an extremely righteous person who cannot stand the idea of injustice. 

One thing we know, this is an epic case and definitely going to leave a major imprint in Singapore. Let this be a lesson for those who are having a relationship with their students or teachers now. Either you stop the shit now or you continue with tact. I know it's hard to resist when the sex is good and you have a sweet young thing shagging you all day. But think twice about the repercussions on yourself. 

xoxo